Self Esteem
by Bean Burrito
Summary: A songfic of Self Esteem by The Offspring. Relena angst, yay! Not sure about the censor, so PG13 for nudity, M/F bed-sharing (no sex), quick reference to male anatomy.


[Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the GW characters. Don't sue, I'm a teenager with $10 to her name.]  
  
---  
  
Self Esteem  
Lyrics by The Offspring  
Fanfic by Bean Burrito [April]  
  
---  
  
_I wrote her off for the tenth time today  
_Relena stopped pacing and threw herself onto the couch.  
**Face it, girl**, she told herself. **He's not gonna call. Let him go already!**  
She turned the TV on to watch her favorite primetime soap opera, Gundams Creek. This only   
reminded Relena of the pilots, and thus, Heero - she turned off the TV and hurled the remote into the wall.  
"Damn you, Heero Yuy!"  
  
_And practiced all the things I would say_  
"Heero, you're a jerk and I never want to see you again!" Relena muttered. "No, that wouldn't work, that's what he wants."  
She listened to the patter of rain and thought harder.  
"Heero, you're a self-absorbed jerk, and I hope your manhood FALLS OFF!" As she yelled this last part, a loud clap of thunder shook the mansion.  
"Yes," Relena said softly. "That will do quite nicely."  
  
_But she came over, I lost my nerve  
_Satisfied with herself, Relena relaxed into the couch. Unfortunately, her peace didn't last long.  
At around 10 PM, somebody was banging insistently on the front door. Relena sighed and went to answer it.  
There on Relena's front porch stood a sopping wet Heero. Relena took pity on the pilot and tugged him inside.  
"Heero, you're drenched! Why are you out in this rain?" she demanded. "I'll get you a robe, you get out of those wet things."  
  
_I took her back and made her dessert  
_Relena returned to the foyer with a thick terry robe in one hand and a glass of hot tea in the other.  
"Here, put this on," Relena ordered, thrusting the robe at Heero. Heero, clad only in his bike shorts, exchanged his dripping shirt for the robe. He glanced around for a place to disappear to and ducked into the coat closet. Out of Relena's sight, he peeled off his bike shorts and put on the comfy robe.  
"Here, I'll put these in the dryer," she said when Heero returned and handed her his shorts. "Drink this tea, it'll warm you right up."  
"Thank you," Heero said as Relena scurried away.  
  
_I know I'm being used, but that's okay man 'cause I like the abuse  
_Relena ushered Heero into the TV room. She flopped down onto the sofa, pulling Heero down next to her.  
"So what brings you here on such an awful night?" Relena asked, searching under cushions for the TV remote.  
"I had a fight with the other guys. I need a place to stay." Heero made no requests, simply stated his problem. Of course he knew what Relena would say.  
"Oh, you can stay here," Relena offered quickly, beaming.  
"Thank you, Relena." Heero looked at the decor, deliberately avoiding Relena's eyes. "I'm actually pretty tired. I'd like to go to bed now, if you don't mind."  
"Of course," Relena said, showing Heero to a clean, tidy room - which just happened to be her own.  
  
_I know she's playing with me, but that's okay 'cause I've got no self esteem  
_Relena went to the huge walk-in closet to get some pajamas. She chose a short satin nightdress.  
Heero was getting himself comfy when Relena stepped back into the room.  
He made no protests about the sleeping arrangements when he realized Relena meant to share the bed with him. And even though he felt no love for the blonde lying there beside him, he allowed her to kiss his mouth and snuggle closer.  
  
_We make plans to go out at night_  
Heero stood in the foyer the next morning, one foot out the door. "So I'll be by around 7?" he asked with no enthusiasm.  
"Right," Relena replied. "The reservations are for 7:45, so don't be late!" She stood on tiptoe and planted a kiss on Heero's cheek.  
Heero turned away and left, berating himself for getting roped into dinner plans with a girl he didn't care for.  
"Oh well," he said under his breath as he walked away. "I can always just stand her up."  
  
_I wait till 2, then I turn out the light  
_Relena finally stopped hoping. She shut off the porch light and went upstairs.  
Angrily, she threw her dress into the back of the closet. She put on a cotton pajama set with chibi-Heeros printed on it and crawled into bed.  
  
_This rejection's got me so low, she keeps it up I just might tell her so_  
"Why won't you love me, Heero?" Relena whimpered. She hugged the pillow Heero had slept on the night before.  
Relena again started to think of ways to tell Heero to go away, but fell asleep before she could make a decision.  
  
_When she's saying, oh that she wants only me  
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends  
_Relena's bedside phone jangled.  
"Hegghhh - AHEM - Hello?"  
"Relena, have you been boinking Trowa?" Heero's voice demanded.  
"What? Heero?! No, I haven't!"  
"That's not what Trowa says."  
Relena tried to think of how to distract Heero. So she'd shagged Trowa one night - it wasn't as if Heero should care.  
"Where were you last night?" Relena asked. "I waited until 2 in the morning!"  
"Don't change the subject, Relena."  
  
_When she's saying, oh that I'm like a disease  
Then I wonder how much more I can spend  
_"Heero, I don't know what you're talking about!" Relena shrieked.  
"I don't want to see Trowa get hurt. Why did you sleep with him?"  
"Goodbye, Heero," Relena said icily as she hung up the phone. Whose business was it who she slept with, anyway?  
"I can't take too much more of this," Heero growled at the dial tone.  
  
_Well I guess I should stick up for myself, but I really think it's better this way  
_Relena supposed she should get Heero out of her life once and for all.  
"But I'm alright," she told herself. "He'll come around. And then it'll be wonderful!"  
  
_The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care - right?  
_**Besides**, Relena reasoned, **the fact that I'm hanging on means I really do love him, doesn't it?**  
She guessed so, but in the back of her head, she really wasn't sure.  
Should she keep holding on to a fantasy that may never come true?  
Or should she simply let go?...  
  



End file.
